Feelings Can Be Complicated
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009Often we have mixed feelings—we feel two or more things at the same time. For example, you may worry that a disagreement with your partner is impossible to resolve, feel hurt and irritated at yourself or your partner, and feel shame that you have failed to fi nd a resolution—simultaneously.
You may focus on only one dimension of the energy (feeling) in your body, ignoring the other feelings. For example, focusing only on frustration, you may miss feelings of hurt and worry. One feeling can be converted to another. A person who is taught to not feel anger may convert feelings of anger to shame. A person who is taught that anger is okay but fear isn’t may feel angry when afraid or threatened. Feelings Are Useful People tend to think of feelings as positive or negative depending on whether they agitate (like fear, anger, and guilt) or encourage (like pleasure, joy, contentment, and satisfaction). Our approach to understanding feelings is to think of them as guides, or loyal friends, trying to get your attention so you’ll consider factors other than logic in your response to a situation. Feelings try to help you respond to diff erent situations. Every feeling is good in terms of its purpose to serve you, protect you, and guide you. Your feelings off er honest information. Listening for feelings is an important skill. Considering them off ers you more data to incorporate into your choices about action (behavior).

